Researchers at the California Institute of Technology released a report this month suggesting that reality is, in fact, not a safe space and concluded that attempts to create safe spaces are at best futile and at worst being used to suppress freedom of thought and expression.
The report, “Evidence-based methods to determine efficacy and consequences of Safe Space methodology,” analyzed trends in violence, deaths and other harms, and found persistently high levels of suffering throughout human history. “While the laws of human nature may be subject to change, the laws of physics, economics, human fallibility and the limitations of living in a relativity-based world are not changing. The evidence demonstrates that reality is not safe and logic dictates that it never will be so,” the report concluded.
The report received widespread condemnation among the social justice community who objected to the wholesale invalidation of their feelings. The report’s release comes at a time when a nationwide push toward creating safe spaces has reached fever pitch.
The leading social justice union, Creating Communities Cultivating Consciousness (CCCC), harshly denounced the report, stating, “This report comes from a field of study dominated by white men (psychology) using tools developed by white men (logic) analyzing an issue that white men have created (reality).”
Report author Dr. Maxine Molsby rejected claims of inherent bias. “We used real-world evidence and rational analysis to test our hypotheses,” she said. When confronted with claims of furthering the white hetero-capitalist patriarchy, Dr. Molsby, an African-American Muslim woman, responded, “It is important to evaluate what is being said, not who is saying it. Individuals may sometimes find the nature of reality offensive. However, there exists no right to not be offended, neither in constitutional law nor natural law.” Dr. Molsby continued, “The social justice community must recognize that accusing myself and my colleagues of bias does not make it so. Our academic freedom, the right to explore new, controversial and innovative ideas is not negotiable.”
Social justice advocates across the country have organized a campaign in opposition to the report’s publication. Organizers released a statement saying, “Not only did the report contain no trigger warnings, but there were so many micro-aggressions that we are considering implementing a ‘macro-aggression’ policy against such vitriolic attacks on our worldview and feelings.”
The term “macro-aggression” has been traditionally used to denote large-scale violence and crimes against humanity. A spokesperson for The Institute of War and Peace Studies responded, “We reject this new campaign to appropriate the term ‘macro-aggression;’ this is a term exclusively used for global acts of violence such as war or genocide, and it can only be used by those who have been victims of war or genocide.” When later asked if the Institute had been too mean in its response, it released a terse written statement: “An argument must at least be semi-coherent and have a flavor of logic before we will get involved.”
Social justice advocates have ordered an evacuation of their headquarters. In a statement left on their answering machine, the CCCC was defiant and notified the press that the group was hosting a retreat for all social justice advocates at their National Community Safe Space Center. When approaching the Safe Space Center location in downtown San Francisco, local journalists noted that the building is made completely of soundproof glass and isolated from any communication networks.
Unconfirmed reports suggested that portraits of “President” Hillary Clinton were being smuggled in and chants of “recount” and “revote” were faintly heard. “We would like our storyline back,” responded the 2000 election.
Meanwhile the national debate over the effectiveness and value of safe spaces goes on without its most ardent supporters.
Your reporter in reality,
AA
Ali-Asad currently works with high school students to help them develop their social and emotional skills. He is also an ardent supporter of facts and reality. He has an Instagram account where he mostly takes pictures of the sky, his drawings and other sights at @the.philosophist.